A HAPPILY LOST CAUSE

I came here to New York for alot of reasons. One of those reasons was for this girl I fell in love with 2 and half years ago. I came here to spend time with her and strike a chance. Bettina has been a lingering image in my sublte love life...a crush if you will. She's loved now, so Im sincerely happy for her. I couldn't move on with my life without closure from her. I think I finally got it today.

During the Gomez concert last night, she texted me and asked me if we could catch up during lunch the next morning. I never thought of asking her out coz I thought I'd relive a feeling not worth reliving. When I first met up with her, I tried to be still and preoccupy my mind. Later on i realized that I felt dettached from ANY feeling. Like I had to enjoy myself and forget the past. She, ofcourse, knows nothing about all of this.

Sasha woke me up that so I could meet up Bettina in time. I met her at Chambers and we had lunch in this really interesting restaurant called Taylor's. I felt like myself, surprisingly. This woman who I've grown to love silently and vaguely has now become a friend to me once again. Somehow, the reason for my travels to New York has now become pleasant surprise. We took the subway to her work in A&F right beside the south sea port. She showed me her favourite spot by the port over looking The Brookly and Manhattan Bridge. It was a beautiful sight. I felt like falling into contemplation there. Bettina shared such a hobby, only shes done it alot there. We agreed to share our thought after giving each other a minute of silence, staring at the glimmering waves, listening to soft breeze against metal, wood, and flesh.

Leaning on the railing, I distanced myself an extra 2 feet from her. Shifting my gaze form her to the sights of the spot, I thought generally bout my future, in 2 years time, where will I be, what will I become, and how grateful I am of finding closure with Bettina. As if she knew what I needed all this time. I thought of home and how I wish my family was there to see what I've seen. I thought of my friends and how much I valued them and our history together.

Bettina shared with me her thoughts after zoning out as well. She contemplated rationally upon her future with her boyfriend, DJ and their plans together. She really loves him, and I'm sure he thinks of her the same way. I was glad to hear her point of view. I think thats something I failed to understand back when I was STILL NOT over her. She talked bout how she perceived her independence and how it affected her. I too shared with her my thougthts, however I thought alot about telling her about how glad I felt about finding MY closure. She wouldn't understand really, it would actaully confuse her more than anything. So I didn't. And I liked it that way. I reacquired the friend I once enjoyed before falling for her. And althought that was not what I had in mind, I'm happy that shes happier than ever. A fitting end to a harbored feeling; a lost cause happily done with.

Also, today is my Dad's birthday. I'm sure he got the time-release package i secretly left for him. I miss my dad. Although I'm sure he's madly crooning over the credit billing hes getting due to my New York Experience, I'm sure he'll forgive me. Hes known to be kuripot, but I know he won't let me down. I think he must be half a century old today. If you're reading this Pa, I'd like to let you (and Ma) to know that I'm really thankful for this, all of this. I'm making my trip worth it. Someday, we'll have the luxury of time to sit down and talk about what I've learned here. Take Care. Prayers and Love from Manhattan.

Deli Cashier: "Have a good one"

"Indeed."